Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott is looking more and more likely to become the newest candidate of fellow Liberal Party outsider Cory Bernardi’s new political movement, The Australian Conservatives.

This comes after Turnbull’s executioner, Christopher Pyne MP, was seen relaying orders from the the ruling Liberal’s progressive faction.

“Tony, you are a valued member. But until you drop this anti-gay-marriage-anti-science stance, you can’t sit with us” he said.

“Go and sit with Bernardi if you want. But you aren’t making any friends with this 2GB shit”

Once loyal to Abbott, Christopher Pyne has in recent years steered away from the ‘cuckservative’ model of Liberal politics, especially after witnessing the Member for Warringah’s countless efforts to sabotage marriage equality in Australia, despite having a gay sister himself.

“It’s ahh. You don’t get it… ahhh” said Abbott.

“My voters… Andrew Bolt.. They…. You don’t get it”

Christopher Pyne responded to the stumbling former Prime Minister by pointing out his sugar-hit populism is in no way in line with the contemporary Liberal Party of Australia.

“You’re not saying anything, Tony”

“Stop talking about climate change like it’s nothing more than a back pocket expense for Australian voters”

“Your constituents don’t know what a back pocket expense is anymore, unless their houses are being eroded off the banks of the Northern Beaches, they don’t need to worry about climate change”

Tony Abbott was last seen pacing around Parliament House complaining about the ABC.

Pauline Hanson is reportedly showing no sympathy for Abbott, after the part he played in her 18 month stint in prison in 2003.



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