In line with public expectation, the Prime Minister has this week downgraded his jab policy targets.

The Head of Marketing has admitted that every Australian will not be jabbed before the end of the year, despite coming out and promising that they would a few months ago in an effort to win over voters.

However, the PM has confirmed that every single Australian will definitely have received a dose before Parramatta win the NRL premiership, probably.

If there are no supply chain or logistical issues that the government should be on top of but aren’t.

“As long as the European Union doesn’t get in the way of things, and the system we have put in place to roll the spicy cough remedy out actually works like we said it should, we should have every Aussie jabbed before Dylan Brown lifts the trophy,” said the Prime Minister today.

“And they are looking pretty good,” said the PM showing his amateur punditry by assuming that Parramatta is a chance of winning a premiership because they’ve strung a few wins together.

His comments come after he sought to lean on blood clot concerns last week in an effort to make the slow roll out of the jab seem like it was kind of a good thing.

“We are doing it safely, and properly okay,” said the leader of government with a glaring lack of contingency plans on this front.

“And the doses are on the way to our shores and will be in Aussie arms before you can say Snap 3 Day Lockdown.”

“But not this year, because the bloody Sharkies are going to win the Rugby League hahaha

“Up up the Nulla!!!”


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