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In the middle of her five week campaign towards a shock election, Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has today promised the most vocal anti-Adani protestors that she will sort them all out with a high-paying unskilled labouring job in the mines if they can get over the man-made bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef.
“Don’t knock it til you try it” Palaszczuk told one protester.
“You could be on $180k a year if you play this right. Plus you get to be away from your family for a month at a time”
“Like, we aren’t going to be able to stop coal in this country, so your concerns about the reef are just white noise as far as I’m concerned”
After a string of protesters interrupting her press conferences with their wussy concerns about damage, Palaszczuk has today said she’s had enough. Deciding to offer her opponents as many Bali holidays and financed jet skis as they have ever dreamed off.
“Just chill the fuck out and you’ll all be sorted. There’s gonna be like 1,500 jobs that comes out of this giant coal mine. Most will be Indian contractors but I put a good word in for you guys if you can just shut up”
“Your daughters will be sunburnt with Bali hair braids in no time, just wait until after the election”
“You should see how much they are gonna pay me when I retire from politics. It’s fucked, they’ve got so much cash”
