LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

With accusations of bullying, sexism, coverups, pork-barrelling and hiring a fucking hip hop dance group for the commissioning ceremony of a naval ship, it’s fair to say there’s a bit going on with this current government.

Most recently, side-hustle PM Scott Morrison failed to effectively organise a sausage sizzle after showing up with multigrain bread, without sausages, onions or sauce.

After leaving to collect the items really needed for a sausage sizzle the PM never returned and stated the ‘hungry people at the park didn’t invite him to eat with them.’ 

“I don’t hold the tongs mate,” stated the PM, as a pair of tongs clattered loudly to the ground.

“Pick that up.”

While some are accusing Scotty’s lighthearted antics as being part of a conspiracy to overshadow the alleged rapists he keeps employing, according to Nan it never would have got this far under Tony.

“Now there’s a man who could organise a sausage sizzle,” stated Nana Milly Burner (83) with a twinkly look in her eye as she remembered former PM Tony Abbott.

“We would never have to worry about unexpected guests showing up and there is no way Tony would ever have forgotten the onions.” 

According to Nana, the problems in this country started long ago, right about the time she started having kids in a house she purchased for roughly the price of a Scratchie.

“But when Tony stepped up I just knew it was exactly what was best for tabloid readers like me. They [Liberal party] should be ashamed of themselves for what they did to our poor Tony. Bet they wish they hadn’t now!”

Despite living through a great deal of sexism, Nana is usually obvious to women’s issues but even she knows Tony would have done a better job than whatever the current guy is called.

“Three daughters is a lot more than two daughters after all.” 


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