As the Premier Of New South Wales has today decided to become an ‘everyday Australian’ once again, he is now faced with the gruelling task of finding a venue to host his farewell drinks, due to start at 7:00pm, and finish at roughly 9:30pm.

As a result of the lock-out laws (also known as The Hillsong Sharia), implemented by Baird’s NSW Liberal Government, the outgoing Premier is now struggling to find a venue withing twenty kilometres of the Parliamentary chambers that would be ‘all good with staying open a bit past nine’.

Local publican, Shane O’Hennessy says there’s no point in keeping the pub open past nine because no one is giving it a nudge anymore.

“If you are out for a night on the tiles, it’s rare that you would bother staying out if you knew 11:30 was the latest you could go till”

“Not to mention the fact that you can’t buy take away bottles after that time. Or get any public transport home”

“Most people just buy grog after work and bring there need to unwind home with him. It’s probably got a bit to do with our nation’s toxic closeted drinking problem. Oh, and you know, all the domestic violence”

Baird, who claims to have himself been ‘a bit tipsy’ after the Socceroos finals dash in 2006, says he’s not used to organising normal social outings and didn’t realise how hard it was to get a drink in Sydney ever since he introduced the moral compass for Sydney residents that was aimed at keeping women covered and restricting alcohol.

“Man, not one of these places will give me a function room after eight. It’s a real fuddy-duddy”

“I might have to take the party back over to Manly. Things are pumping in my home electorate. Jeez it’s like these CBD venues want to go broke. ”

“Liven up a little”



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