ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

AFTER HIS INTERNET WAS CUT off by the Ecuadorian government over the Hillary Clinton email leak, Australian superspy Julian Assange has been passing the time in a matter more befitting of a man from North Queensland.

The Townville-born activist revealed this morning that he’s been passing the time watching State of Origin highlights recently after being gifted a DVD collection of the gladiatorial sporting contest by High Commissioner Alexander Downer.

“I’m just doing what any good Queenslander does when they’re bored shitless,” said Assange. “Mark Coyne’s try in Game I 1994 is my favourite all-time Origin moment. I’ve nearly fucken [sic] worn out the DVD from rewinding it.”

Speaking to The Advocate through the second story window while he enjoyed some Lucky Strike lung candy, Assange said that there’s not much to do around the embassy without internet. He’s hoping that it’ll be restored soon.

“You can only watch Steve Price get his brain deactivated so many times in one lifetime. So far, I’ve seen Trent Waterhouse commit attempted murder over a hundred times. While it is classic, I’m pretty over it by now.”

“But I if anybody reading this is in London and has access to the Cowboy’s grand final win, can you please throw it up on the balcony for me? I still haven’t seen it. Just knock on the door of one of the black vans out the front and let them know what you’re doing,”

“Otherwise, they might think you’re a spy and shoot you. Tell them you’re just delivering a copy of the greatest sporting moment in Australian history.”

Assange then enjoyed the last millimetres of his cigarette, then flicked it out the window.

“Gotta run, mate. Mark Carrol just called cattledog.”



  1. The “Julian Assange Freedom Walkway” (the Big Ass as its locally known) on Magnetic Island continues to stand as a monument to our Julian. Residents still hope for a statue of Julian astride the Nelly/Arcadia path,council funding permitting of course.


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