As Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton make the final dash in their election campaigning, the United States’ most outspoken enemy is eagerly awaiting the official result, before announcing whether or not they have succeeded in their quest to end Western Civilisation.

The Republican candidate has today said he is the “last chance” to fix a broken country while his Democratic rival has said a “moment of reckoning” has arrived.

Meanwhile, holed up in the Islamic State capital of Raqqa, one ISIS member says the news will mean much more to his organisation than most people think.

“Essentially, if Trump wins, we win” says the middle-ranking ISIS spokesperson, Keith* (named changed)

“They’ve essentially played into our hands if a reality TV star becomes President”

Keith* says defeating the American empire was just a matter of scaring US citizens into voting for Donald Trump.

“We set out to destroy the United States, and we are almost there… Just waiting to see if they go all the way with flipping their entire political system upside down”

“We’ve seen it in England with Brexit, we’ve seen it in Australia with One Nation. The first thing people do when they are scared is listen to idiots”


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