10 January, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

This time last year, Gopher Jones was your run-of-the-mill small town conservative who only had the best interests of his community at heart. Since being old enough to drink in Brisbane, he’s cast his vote toward the Coalition.

However, something happened to the out-of-work carpet layer late last year that’s beginning to take it’s toll on his friends and family.

Despite having seven drink and drug driving offences under his belt, the 29-year-old still feels confident to explain complex social issues to his new wife.

“Don’t listen to that sociopath,” said Jones. “She’s an actress, not a politician. She should stick to what she knows.”

Wife Georgette bit back, saying that Gopher lays carpet when he’s not defrauding the tax office – and that he should stick to talking about that.

“You don’t understand,” he said. “She’s the reason why Trump won. Nobody likes getting lectured, especially by those on the left. Listen honey, it’s what we in the business call ‘virtue signalling’, which means you only do something so your peers think you’re cool, or something like that.”

The Academy Award-winning actress accepted a lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes overnight in Los Angeles, where she took the opportunity to ‘call out’ President-elect Trump for mocking a disabled journalist.

Earlier this morning, The Donald hit back, explaining to journalists that he thinks Streep is ‘one of the most overrated actresses in Hollywood’ – a fair assessment if you ask Jones.

“If Bruce Willis or Kid Rock called out Trump, maybe you’d get my attention.”

More to come.


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