Same-Sex marriage opponents were dealt a huge blow this afternoon, after it was confirmed that they’ve used up all of their reviews and won’t get any more to fight the passing of the bill.

Coalition captain Tony Abbott had displayed some truly frivolous reviewing over the course of the debate, and matters came to a head today as yet another attempt to make ‘freedom of religion’ amendments to the SSM bill were overturned by Third Umpire Marias Erasmus.

At the close of play, it was confirmed that due to his inability to judge the trajectory of an entire nation, the Coalition can no longer call into question the decisions of their peers to finally enact same-sex marriage in Australia.

Abbott, who has long been a proponent of the DRS (Dickhead Revisionist System) throughout his career, was said to be furious at the turn of events, and even tried to complain to the Match Referee, Queen Elizabeth. However, his attempts were futile, as the Queen was pre-occupied trying to teach Prince Phillip not to make any black jokes in front of their new granddaughter-in-law.

Abbott’s woes were further worsened by the unceremonious mocking he received at the hands of his Barmy Army, who have long been at the forefront of the LGBT fight.

The captain was unreachable for comment.


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