13 September, 2016. 12:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

HAVING A PERT DERRIERE IS seemingly compulsory in today’s modern cruel world – and Canberra isn’t immune to the growing trend of looking your best naked.

Everybody from federal members of parliament to your run-of-the-mill junkie yelling in the street is feeling pressured to stay beautiful, with the likes of Opposition leader Bill Shorten and Bachelor host Osher Günsberg being ‘body shamed’ in recent months.

But today, the former has signed onto US footwear giant Sketchers to represent their Shape Up! shoes in Australia and New Zealand.

Opposition leader Bill Shorten has been a fan of the patented sneaker for a number of years now and he’s thought to be the only person in Australia not currently going through menopause to own a pair.

“I don’t think there’s anything strange about a middle-aged man wearing Shape Ups! They’re a good shoe and I’ve been getting great results,” said the perky 49-year-old.

“Feel my arse, just touch it. Touch the bottom part where it turns into my leg, hard right? That’s Shape Ups! for you. Magic shoe, I’d been trying to get my whole cabinet on them. I’ve almost twisted Albo’s arm enough,”

“And all the proceeds earned through my endorsement of these body contouring sneakers will be doing to charity, so those Liberal senators who’ve been calling me out over this, fucking run at me.” he said.

After asking every male reporter in Parliament House to feel his new bum through his Tarocash trousers, Shorten answered a few more questions before declaring that he was going to run in shorts for the first time this year tomorrow morning.

More to come.


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