20 September, 2016 15:35


Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has been handed a life ban from Mooseheads Pub & Nightclub in Canberra after refusing to leave the venue upon being asked by several security guards.

It is believed that at around 11:55pm last night, the 49-year-old former accountant was given his third and last warning for public nuisance, after dropping his pants and boot-scooting to the iconic Daddy Cool rum anthem ‘Eagle Rock’.

Venue manager, Hugo Van Arkel said Mr Joyce’s first warning came after he was seen drinking Bundaberg Rum and Pepsi out of his own RM Williams Craftman.

“He was walking around the place with one shoe on, making his staffers order him some more ‘sugarcane champagne’ – I didn’t know who it was at first,” said the hospitality professional.

“I initially thought he was one of the footy coaches from the West Belconnen Warriors who might have been still partying after Robert Roberts’ amazing grand final win”

“That was until I got close enough to see that red tint and the scars on his face. Fuck me, he was going full bore.”

Mr Joyce’s second warning came after he demanded that the venues resident disc jockey, DJ Dawson, play some “Fuckin’ Chisel”.

The Deputy Prime Minister made it clear that he had been very underwhelmed by Jimmy Barnes’ performance on Q&A earlier in the evening.

“Play some Flame Trees Godammit!” he shouted.

“I haven’t had a drink in a month – Now i’m all healed up and I wanna hear some fuckin’ Chisel!”

After promising he would behave, the third and final warning came after the band began playing ‘Eagle Rock’.

Barnaby Joyce was seen shimmying with his moleskin trousers around his ankles, while demanding his more timid staffers and National party colleagues join him.

“Get ’em off, Gerard!” he shouted at his media advisor and former Herald Sun writer, Gerard McManus.

“All of youse! Get your eagle out for Eagle Rock!”

Dropping your pants for Eagle Rock has been a peculiar tradition practiced among Western Queenslanders for several decades.

The tradition being, whenever the iconic Australian rock song is played at an event or a public bar, those present (particularly the males) congregate together on the dance floor where they unstrap their belts and hobble around singing the song with their trousers around their ankles. Bushies have been known to request the song in bars while travelling abroad for the purpose of locating fellow countrymen.

Unfortunately, this tradition isn’t much practiced in the three story regional nightclub of Mooseheads, and the Deputy Prime Minister was promptly asked to leave the venue. He refused.

After a thirty minute physical confrontation which turned into a ‘game of tiggy’ between Joyce and up to eight security guards, the second most powerful man in the country was eventually restrained and barrel thrown out of the venue.

Shortly after, the 49-year-old Minister For New England was heard inviting several Samoan bouncers to ‘have a go’ on the street outside the The Academy – where he was also denied entry.

He was later seen ordering a large Zinger Burger and Mountain Dew from the Manuka 24-hour KFC.

More to come.


  1. Barnaby Joyce is just another one of those who think they can do what ever they want why because if you take him on and give the bastard a hiding , he’d be the type of weak bastard that would call the coppers on ya , or get the Feds onto ya , I couldn’t care less about the way this bloke parties in private , but for the position he holds in government he is an absolute disgrace to this country to do that in public , it is an inditement on the government to have a man like this as their leader or deputy leader or what ever official title he holds

  2. Barnaby has always shown that he’s a country boy and the way he handles rum is something to behold. It possibly explains some of his foot in mouth comments. I’ve heard that he suffers from other ailments, something to do with his member and I won’t go into it at the moment, its enough to say that he’s quite different from any past stand in PM we’ve ever had. I always have to remind myself that he’s a member to remember.
    He’s not disgraceful he’s just Barnaby, we just have to live with unusual antics in local pubs and in parliament. Him and his member do stand out in a crowd. That’s why we think he’s a richard head.

  3. My mate Wazza reckons he saw him later that night at Northside studios asking the receptionist if they had any larger ladies working before he was thrown out for threatening to “do a Bubbler like that mad Carney cunt” in the waiting area.

  4. As a local resident to our nation’s capital, I’d like to highlight a number of errors in your article. But because I’m lazy, I’ll quickly draw your attention to the fact that Mooseheads is actually consists of four levels, not three. The mnemonic “four floors of whores” serves all our memories too well here.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here