21 September, 2016 11:35


Cooma man, Kerrod Keithington (35) says he finds all kinds of religious headwear intimidating.

So much so, that he has started rallying in the streets protest the unlikely scenario of a Muslim moving into one of the three-story-rendered-brick-off-the-plan family homes in his predominately white suburb.

“These people don’t assimilate to OUR culture” he shouts, while dressed in at least six different Chinese-made variations of Australian flag-themed clothing.

As Mr Keithington points out, the Hijab, Niqab, Burqa, Chador and Jilbab are, in his opinion, an attack on the Australian way of life.

He says the only appropriate example of Australian people wearing face masks is that of the Irish rapist Ned Kelly’s steel headpiece used for bank-robbing – and of course, his own dress code: Servo sunnies, Australian flag around his face, Monster energy drink flat brim.

“I just want to protect my identity from the defenceless migrant women I have dedicated the last two years to dehumanising,”

“Sorry for being a patriot. But I’m thinking about the true blue Aussies here!”

“I’m talking about the diggers, the single mothers, the farmers!”

However, it seems Keithington’s YouTube-fuelled pseudo-patriotism and rampant politicisation of nostalgic Australian past times that he has had nothing to do with, may be rubbing some of these people the wrong way.

Local Betoota cattle grazier, Jack Pearson (72) says that all of these “halfwit racists” are making life “very fucking hard for people that want to sell cattle to overseas markets,”

“Who the fuck am I going to sell beef to if it isn’t certified halal?”

“The Greenies don’t want us sending them over there alive so we’ve had to start slaughtering them here,”

“I couldn’t give a fuck where the money goes from certifying this stuff. It’s Australian grown beef, killed in  a way that keeps 1.3 billion people happy,”

“If I see another one of these low-breeds on TV wearing an Akubra trying to pretend they are standing up for people like me, I might have to dig up the old .303 and pay them a visit. They are fucking everything up”

However, Keithington’s wild brand of Hanson-esque right-wing politics isn’t limited to the back blocks of Ipswich and the jobless shitholes of the Snowy Mountains.

In September last year, residents of the colonial backwater of Bendigo made headlines when they took to the streets in another proud example of Australia’s grasp of global issues.

The protestors claimed that the building of a proposed Mosque would ruin their crystal-meth-ravaged-town.

“Mosques are ugly and full of unlikeable characters. Our jaded country town doesn’t need any more intimidating small business-owners” said local patriot, Paul Whiteman.

“Multiculturalism does not work. There’re 84,000 people in Bendigo and only a small portion of them demand to be different. Everyone wants to be the same except them and it’s causing trouble,”

“whether it’s the junkies with their glass pipes or the Muslims with their Mosque, we shouldn’t have to bow down to any minorities”

However, with the help of Channel 7 Sunrise’s infatuation with racial tensions, it seems the overpowering voices of people like Keithington and Whiteman will be the ones that our Federal Politicians listen to, with four One Nations senators being elected into the federal senate.




  1. Yeh man the fuck up and show us your face you yobo scum you’re just as imported as they are except your ancestors were convicts in chains whilst they come in a plane with heads held high

  2. “…….while dressed in at least six different Chinese-made variations of Australian flag-themed clothing……”

    Everyone knows it’s too expensive to make shit in China. Even the Chinese are out-sourcing to Bangladesh and Vietnam.
    Do keep up will ya?

    “…..ow-breeds on TV wearing an Akubra……”

    In The New World, those hats are called ‘US Civil War Re-enactment Hats’ and are ever so popular amongst the Wankers.


    Apologies, I can’t be arsed to code a ‘live-link’ for the above. Chevrons and I do not get along. Innit?

    You’d better get this article offline immediately and evacuate Betoota Advocate offices!
    I know Keithington an he said anyone makes fun or pictures of him he’ll kill the whole family and behead them an stick em on poles in his front yard as trophies. I know he will. He did it to the neighbours dogs cos they were larf-barking at him. He’s kinda nice guy if you take time to understand him (and have a gun in your pocket just in case y’know). He only does it cos he has to, y’know. He’s on a mission from god to make the world a better place for him. Keithington. And god too I spose.


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