Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has organised an emergency emu parade on the lawns of Parliament House this morning, after realising he had lost the Prime Minister keys somewhere between his commonwealth car and the front entrance of the building.

Dressed in nothing but a sweaty t-shirt and Canterbury football shorts, The Acting Prime Minister claims he ‘hadn’t been planning on being locked out of the fucking place’ and had a dry cleaned suit waiting for him to put on in his office.

As Malcolm Turnbull bounces between football matches, Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce has been entrusted with the Prime Minister’s office keys until the he returns to Australia.

“Fuck it! Fucking fuck a thing!” he hisses while on all fours, attempting to retrace his steps across the lawn.

“I shoulda got changed at fucking home,”

With SES and Police Liason officers on hand to help find the office keys, Barnaby Joyce says he reckons we’ve got about six hours until Turnbull returns from South Australia and resumes his role as Prime Minister.

“Fuck.. (Puffing)… Fuck can one of youse (puffing)… Can someone fucking help me!”

“Let’s get a fucking move on,”

“Quick! Don’t pussy foot around. Where are these things!?”



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