ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has removed any reminder of what he used to believe in from the walls of his office this morning as he begins to pen yet another sweeping condemnation of Palestine.

Pictures of a young Anthony Albanese adorn the walls of his office and tell a story of an impressionable radical ready to make change in this country. Which is why today he’s taken the ones featuring a fresh-faced version of himself off the walls. He has taken them down because he is about to condemn both Hamas and Palestine.

In The Advocate’s biweekly strategy conference call with the Prime Minister and his media public relations team, Albo explained why in his own words.

“You know, walking the tightrope from the Labor Left faction over to the Prime Ministership, there’s a certain type of ideal and belief that you just can’t bring with you. It would upset the balance,” he said.

“I know that half my party has essentially come out in support of Palestine, not as a political ideal but as a humanitarian one. You know, they’re not out here throwing their support behind Hamas, well, publicly anyway, but they’re actually trying to raise awareness of the killings committed by one of the most advanced militaries on Earth against a people who are fleeing their homes with a few plastic bags and not a bit of bread between them. You know, it’s hard to, you know, say you’re getting done over when you can just turn off their power and water.”

“Well, uh, you see, uh, had this happened a few years ago, I probably would’ve been one of them calling out Israel for, you know, using laser-guided bombs against civilian targets. I know that’s controversial but as the Prime Minister, I have certain relationships to uphold. You know, I don’t want to upset our American friends or that cheeky Rishi. People say I could’ve reacted like the Taoiseach, that’s Irish for Prime Minister by the way [giggles] you say it TEE-SHUCK! [giggles]”

“Anyway, look, it’s just the way it is. The Taoiseach’s response was nuanced, pensive and considered. That’s probably all you need to hear.”

The Prime Minister’s media advisor then moved the meeting along to the next issue.

“Thanks, guys,” they said.

“Now, we need your help selling these Stage 3 Tax Cuts. Do we have any ideas?”

More to come.


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