Chinese Take-Away Rated Most Viable Industry In Western Queensland
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Australia's world-renowned Outback Chinese restaurants have today been rated as the most viable industry in Western Queensland, according to a recent report by the Australian Financial Review.
For the first time ever, the sector has been listed number one, just ahead of roo-shooting, poker machine gambling and professional sport. AFR analysts believe their industries stronghold comes after...
REPORT: Referring To Parents By Their First Name Is Creepy And Weird
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
A new study by the University of Queensland has found that people who only use first names when referring to their own mum and dad are not normal.
UQ Professor Roald Blyton says that of the 4000 people surveyed, those who used the terms of 'mum' and 'dad' were 95% less likely to join youth-oriented political parties,...
Flashbacks Of Horrifying D&M With Stranger Are Haunting Man This Afternoon
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The squad began lighting him up on the group chat before the sun came up.
Not because he made an inappropriate pass at someone he shouldn't have and not because he publically exposed him.
He blacked out, telling his friends he can't remember anything after 5pm. He was on autopilot.
But the boys cannot stop laughing at...
Impulsive Friday Blow-Out Ruins Whatever Girlfriend Had Planned For Saturday
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
WAKING UP EARLY ON SATURDAY afternoon, 29-year-old Carter Stephens didn't feel like doing much - in fact, he doesn't feel like doing anything until Monday.
It feels like ants are crawling all over his brain. He's almost convinced himself that he's dying.
Thoughts of doing Dry July are crossing his mind, despite his birthday being in the...
Local Bikies Don’t Have The Heart To Expose Friendly Undercover Cop
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
None of the members of local bikie gang the Betoota Brotherhood MC have the heart to tell Sgt Matt Southwell, of the Queensland Special Police Service, that they are very well aware of the fact that he is obviously an undercover cop.
Mr Southwell was assigned to infiltrate the outlaw motorcycle club two weeks ago, and is...
Not Even 2016 Budget Can Drown Out The Howls Of Burning Refugees Inside Dutton’s Head
4 May, 2016 13:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In case you haven't heard, last night our Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison handed down his first budget, unveiling a plan to save billions by cracking down on multi-national tax avoidance and shaking up the superannuation system.
While the 2016 budget comes across as far less psychopathic than anything Joe Hockey put on the table, it is still far...
Report: Watching An Entire Episode Of Ellen Is The Pinnacle Of Unemployment
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local woman, Ashley Mapusua, says six straight days of watching the Ellen Show is enough for even the most uninspired jobseeker.
After a fortnight of unemployment, Ashley has finished watching 'all the good stuff' on Netflix and is now killing time by watching light-hearted American daytime television.
"It hurts. I lost my job as a sub-editor due to redundancies...
Local RSL Refuses To Relocate Open-Air Toilet From Pokies Room
28 April, 2016 18:15
MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT
There are reports this afternoon from the Betoota RSL that the open-air toilets in the club's pokie room is housing a smell that would bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened veteran.
Pokie Room attendant and former glassie, Andrew Oldham, said that patrons will simply have to deal with the stench...
Local Man’s War Against Capitalism On Hold Until He Reports His Earnings To Centrelink
27 April, 2016 09:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
33-year-old Marrickville man, Ryan Minto, has put his dreams of smashing the bourgeoisie on hold, until he can prove he is actively seeking employment.
In order to receive this week's Newstart Allowance of $255.25, the heavily opinionated underachiever must prove that he has applied for ten or more unskilled labouring positions and notifies Centrelink that he...
Local Creep Stands A Bit Too Close In Otherwise Empty Row Of Urinals
13 April, 2016. 10:15
MERV HARRIS | Contributor | CONTACT
In a bizarre turn, a local man chose to stand immediately next to another man at a row of vacant urinals in Betoota this afternoon.
Identified only by the Sydney Roosters tattoo on his wrist, the culprit took up the position at the otherwise empty bank of amenities in a quiet suburban pub early hours...
