FOX Sports Sound Man Thinks He’s Fucken See-Through
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A FOX SPORTS SOUND recordist's world has come crashing down around him this morning after learning that he's not fucking transparent and people can't see through him.
Despite feeling invisible throughout high school and university, Michael Poon was able to keep his job after the sports network axed 4700 employees after Jarryd Hayne got dropped...
Learner motorbike rider can’t wait to donate organs
21 July, 2016. 14:34
ERROL PARKER | Purple Monkey Dishwasher | Contact
GREG POON THREW CAUTION TO the wind on his 40th birthday and decided to buy a motorcycle.
Knowing full well that he could be turned inside out after even a minor accident, Mr Poon revealed he simply cannot wait until his liver gets a lashing from somebody else.
"Yeah moit, me...
Goondiwindi Grandmother Insists Dark Features Come From ‘Spanish Ancestors’
20 July, 2016 14:45
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A 75-year-old Goondiwindi woman has once again today reiterated her theory that there was a large population of dark-haired Southern Europeans living in Western Queensland several generations ago.
Despite the fact that her family tree strictly states that her ancestors have been in the district for over 120 years, without any signs of European surnames,...
Taylor Swift becomes third woman ‘killed’ by somebody close to the Kardashians
19 July, 2016. 11:02
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
TRIBUTES FROM AROUND THE world have been flowing in this morning after 26-year-old pop star Taylor Swift became the third female victim of the Kardashian family's rampage through popular culture.
She was found late last night face down in a bowl of Fruit Loops at her Los Angeles home.
Known primarily for either...
Entrepreneurial tramp has PayPass™ terminal installed on forehead
18 July, 2016. 12:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE SEISMIC FINANCIAL SHIFT TOWARD a cashless economy is doing the nation's homeless out of the job, a recent report has suggested.
Australians are, on average, carrying less cash than ever before.
Only a generation ago, there was no option than to have some folding stuff or a chequebook in your back pocket. Now,...
Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire
17 July, 2016. 12:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he's holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire.
Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the...
15-year-old’s life in ruins after watching parents slow dance to ‘Beast of Burden’
16 July, 2016. 13:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
WITH THREE TEENAGE CHILDREN living under their roof, precious moments between quinquagenarian lovebirds David and Amy Davies are few and far between.
But just last night, after a nice dinner and a bottle of the second cheapest red on the menu, they came home to find their youngest still awake watching Simpsons reruns.
"To...
NRL Orchestra Told To Give It All They’ve Got For Gus Gould’s Pointless Game III Pep Talk
14 July, 2016. 15:025
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
With a dead rubber, pointless rugby league match set to be broadcast in a couple hours from now - the great unsung heroes of Channel Nine sport are furiously doing what they do best.
It is believed that the Channel Nine NRL orchestra have been 'flat chat' for the last eight hours under the...
4th-Grade Coach Names Himself in Run On Side Again
14 July, 2016. 15:025
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Despite having not played a full eighty minutes since 2002, Betoota Dolphins fourth-grade coach Warren “bubba” Fitzsimmons has once again picked himself to start at prop in an elimination final against the Boulia Workers this weekend.
Last week's closely fought win against the minor premiers was not good enough, according to Bubba - who proceeded to name himself...
Launceston Police are hunting the “Inceston Bandit”
12 July, 2016. 15:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THERE IS A VANDAL IN the Tasmania brothel town of Launceston who keeps defacing signs bearing the city's name - and police want to talk to him.
Dubbed the "Launceston Bandit" by The Daily Examiner, the identity of the pervert is unknown. However, footprints found near the scene of one of the...
