IN-Focus

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report from the Australian Consumer Advocacy Group, CHOICE, has found that the average Apple genius bar employee is unable to hold a conversation that covers more than 2-3 non-Apple related discussion points. CHOICE spokesman, Professor Elle Hardie says that anything beyond 'how ya going?' is almost too much for most 'geniuses' and that anything related to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Uber passenger, Mark Madden has just jumped straight into the same fucking conversation he's had twice a week for the last three years, today. The hospitality worker from Betoota's Old Quarter found himself at a loss for conversation with an extremely chirpy Uber driver. Mark starts with the usual shit. "How long you been driving for" - Only to learn...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A week-long study into toasted sandwich filling conducted by Australia's peak scientific body has concluded that the molten food stuff is 'more than able' to melt steel beams. Earlier today, the CSIRO released a statement to the media outlining the findings - which failed to surprise any red-blooded Australian raised on the popular dish. The type of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A bloke who went fishing last weekend, for the first time since his childhood, is now really a fishing guy, it has been confirmed. While even claiming to have a few 'secret spots' - East Betoota man Ed Davison (27) is today flaunting his new Shimano Tcurve Nano PX 762 & Rarenium CI4+ 1000FB 1-3kg Spin Combo fishing rod to...

PUTNEY SWOPE | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local woman finds that people still deem her uninteresting despite having just gotten a wrist tattoo. Evelyn Mitchells, 24, currently working as a “retail specialist” at Zara, opted to stencil her wrist with a psychedelic butterfly design while on a recent trip to Bali. “I know it looks like something you see on the front of a...

ERROL PARKER| Editor-at-large | Contact With the memories of New York in fall still fresh in her heart, a South Betootanese occupational therapy student has escaped her dire financial situation by casually mulling over the possibility of another overseas holiday before the end of the financial year. Returning from the Big Apple on the first of December, Denise Rochester spoke to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Rural, but town-based, teenager Leon Needham (14) is really enjoying life at the moment. He's got a girlfriend, playing A's rugby in the age group above and is discovering his flair with creative writing. Down at the river with his dad this afternoon, Leon starts thinking about life after school. Maybe he might move to the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Keen to make up for his many faults and personality defects, a North Betoota carpet layer has broken with protocol this morning and let his young wife take the foil off the fresh Milo tin he picked up last night. Nathan Decanter told reporters this morning that this was only the start of his Valentines...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite the oppressive desert heat and sheer expense, a number of local young professionals have spent the morning queuing outside Le Pisse Dans Ma Poche, in Betoota's Old City, for a loaf of artisan bread like they're living under communism. Pete Moorehollande explained to The Advocate this morning from his spot in the line that there's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Pulling up outside his favourite sandwich shop in South Betoota, Graham Frogberk is of the opinion that if you put your hazard lights on, parking like an absolute cunt becomes acceptable. His heavily-financed burgundy Toyota Rav4 sat in a No Stopping zone for seven minutes while the chinless lump of a 42-year-old galumphed into Wanda's Wings...