STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT
Move over Jesus; there’s a new religious observance in town—the upcoming Taylor Swift Eras Tour.
In the year 2024, traditional holidays are taking a back seat to the modern-day worship of pop idols, and Swiftmas is here to stay. The upcoming Taylor Swift Eras Tour has taken the place of traditional holiday festivities, ushering in a new form of devotion that’s sweeping across the land.
Local teenyboppers have already ditched the tinsel and mistletoe in exchange for beaded friendship bracelets and homemade costumes. Like Jesus, the woman can do no wrong!
“Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is basically a religious experience,” the devout Swifty explained.
“I’ve already set up my worship space, adorned with tour memorabilia, and I’m seriously contemplating converting my once-beloved Christmas tree into a Swiftmas tree. After all, what’s more important, the birth of a child in a manger or Taylor’s ‘Love Story’ encore?”
Local traditionalists may be raising an eyebrow at this unorthodox devotion, but there’s no reasoning with a Swifty they’ll soon come to realise.
After all, god put her on this earth to serve us straight bangers. As Ariana Grande once sang, “God is a woman,” and it seems that Taylor Swift is becoming the divine icon for a new generation.
From everyone here at Betoota Advocate, we just want wish everyone a very Merry Swiftmas and a Happy Swift Year! We can’t help but wonder if the Church of Taylor Swift might just be the Sunday Service that everyone’s been searching for in the modern era.