Betoota bricklayer Jayden Burns (29) is the type of bloke that has never bothered with health insurance.

Despite recently racking up an unnecessary string of purchases with his Afterpay account and blowing a solid $50 most weekends on sporting pay-per-views, the father of none continues to palm off the concept of putting aside some money each week for his future health.

However his disinterest in signing up to a health fund has come back to haunt him this week, after his first trip to the dentist in six years came with some extra pain in his back molars.

After sitting back and allowing local dentist Helen Warmsly to pressure hose years of plaque off his teeth and a few strands of lamb which he left behind after last night’s vindaloo curry, Jayden was given some sad news about his oral health.

“Now Jayden, that pressure you were talking about, it’s your wisdom teeth,” said Helen, pointing to a chart sticky taped to her office door.

“There’s some gum decay developing and I’m afraid we’re going to need to remove all four, do you have health insurance?” “Ahhh nah,” Jayden replied sheepishly, well aware he spent his last tax return on a new $600 Yeti esky and some sick Air Jordans imported from the States.

“But can I pay it over time, with like an instalment type of thing,” Jayden asked dim wittingly. Staring sadly into Jayden’s eyes, well aware she was about to write him a quote for the most painful $4000 surgery of his life, Helen moved forward and gave Jayden a motherly hug.

“I’m sorry Jayden, but I’m going to have to book you in for next month, and no, you can’t AfterPay this one.”

More to come.


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