Earlier today in Betoota Heights, a local dad put his money, and harmful chemicals, where his mouth is.

Content with living full time as a stereotype, Betootan Dan Randal (49) is not a fan of his wife’s parents and takes any opportunity to mention it, appropriate or otherwise.

“Those two, I mean, it’s been 12 years but I am still competing with my wife’s ex,” stated Randal, after someone in the next suburb over muttered the term ‘in-laws’.

“It’s like I’m the one who left their daughter for a FIFO sex worker and he’s the one who adopted her eldest AND takes him to therapy every other week.”

Although Randal puts on a brave face around his in-laws, he has absolutely drawn the line at attending his father-in-laws ‘retirement anniversary’ and stated he would rather drink paint than attend.

“It’s just him telling the same two heroic stories and talking about how the firefighters now aren’t real firefighters. It goes over two days, we’re expected to stay the night!” ranted Randal to a hardware store employee.

“Yeah just a sample pot, thanks.”

And so it was that Randal farewelled his blended family, returned to his empty house and cracked open a nice cold tin of Dulux.

“Mmmmm. Aaah, that’s the stuff. That is so much better than watching everyone else receive cash in a card that contains strict instructions on how the money should be spent.”

“Might have some ice with this. You fellas want in?”


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