Private school girl Steph Edmondson today experienced an unexpected surge in popularity after whipping out a fresh tube of Paw Paw ointment.

After dealing with some chapped lips brought on by the hot weather, Steph popped into her local chemist, and with a fiver from mum, made a life-changing decision.

Steph had been somewhat in the middle of the food chain, where she was neither popular or seriously disliked, but now reports that her social status has significantly lifted.’

“Yeah once I brought in a pack of gum and that got a lot of responses,” says Steph.

“But Paw Paw really brought me over the edge.”

“Mum suggested getting a bottle of vaso instead. Glad I didn’t listen to her!”

The ointment in question is rumoured to contain more petroleum jelly and wax than actual paw paws but that hasn’t stopped it’s cult-like following.

It’s reported that one in every four schoolgirls carries a tube on them and that any other form of lip moisturiser is seriously shunned.

“Once, a girl brought in some Cherry Lipsmacker”, says Steph.

“We were like ‘wow Mel, is this 2003?” Steph has made sure to bust out the Paw Paw ointment at any given opportunity, and rations it out with the assertiveness of a prison warden. She insists the power hasn’t gone to her head but does mention she has purposely missed a couple of people.

“Yeah I pretended to not see Rachael’s finger,” says Steph, “she’s a bit of a weirdo.”

Unfortunately for Steph, her eagerness to share her liquid gold has resulted in a serious depletion of Paw Paw ointment.

Her popularity has now hit a nosedive as the wrung out tube has lost its appeal.

“It’s probably a good thing,” sighs Steph, “to be honest I wasn’t liking the person I’d become.”

“I don’t think anyone should have that much power.”

Despite this, Steph was seen later that week hemming her dress halfway up her thighs in a bid to gain popularity again.


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