A local man has been caught lying to himself today as he vocalises plans to have a pretty quiet November.

Sitting down for a $25 Pint & Parmi at the Bull & Barley Inn after cricket training, Betoota Dugongs 4th grader Hayden Scullings told his teammates he is planning on doing “a November cleanse”, a line he often throws out when he needs to pretend he’s going to get his act together.

“I feel so light after not drinking on the weekend ya know,” Hayden told his friends whilst shovelling a hunk of burnt and blistered cheese covered schnitzel into his gob.

“One weekend off the sauce and it does wonders hey, I’m thinking I might do a bit of a November cleanse!”

Howver given his arm is essentially made of rubber, and the sheer sight of a pub chalkboard offering a decent happy hour gets dopamine flooding in his brain, Hayden’s mates were quick to point out he was talking a medieval sized wagon of horseshit.

“As if mate, as soon as those thoroughbreds jump the gates tomorrow Silly Season begins. You won’t have a dry day until mid Feb!” chuckled left-arm leg-spinner Shane Korbin.

“Yeah, as if you’re not about to launch into six weeks of Christmas parties, your blood type will be pale ale for the next month,” added mate Dave.

“Fair point,” replied Hayden as soaked up the last dregs of tomato paste with a cold chip.

“Well then, while it’s happy hour should we get another round?”

A heavy month of drinking to come.


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