WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation’s peak scientific body has today announced a landmark study, aimed at answering one of life’s great questions.
The Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) has revealed they will begin conducting experiments to see whether it is physically possible for a politician to say sorry.
Their exciting new study comes after yet another appearance by Prime Minister Scott Morrison where he refused to apologise for anything he may have gotten wrong.
The denials were prompted by the host of his National Press Club address Laura Tingle, who asked Morrison whether he would say sorry if was happy to admit that things could have been handled a lot better.
However, Morrison stayed true to the stereotype and continued in the long and storied tradition of political figures refusing to say sorry unless they are in the process of resigning for a full-blown scandal.
Morrison has now been called in for a quick fitness test at the CSIRO facility, in an effort to see whether he is physiologically able to say the word sorry.
“Ideally we are going to warm the politicians up with a few easy political dunks,” said one of the researchers at the facility.
“Then we’ll hit them with something really trivial, like them forgetting to flush the toilet or something, and see what they do.”
“We’ll then conduct numerous physical and neurological tests as part of the study.”
“We are fully expecting to have a few angry lash-outs and multiple pieces of equipment destroyed.”
“But, it will all be worth it to get a result.”
“Even if it means our funding gets slashed even further,” he laughed.
“We’ll get the full range of pollies too, Labor, Liberals, Greens, Nats. For quality control you know.”
“Ideally, if we can pull this off, then we’ll try and conduct the same research on a sector of the population who are even more hesitant to say the five-letter ‘S’ word.”