Like many Australians, local shopper Terry Newton (66) has not been able to pick up all the items in his weekly big shop as supermarkets around the nation continue to struggle under supply chain issues.

Popping into Betoota Heights Bi-Lo to purchase his usual eight kilos of beef mince and veges, Newton stated he couldn’t help but feel a bit let down by his local supermarket staff who have spent the last two years risking spicey cough infections for minimum wage.

With his nose sticking out the top of his facemask, Newton asked an unnamed employee why his preferred brand of luncheon meat was not currently in stock, forcing him to purchase the brand name one that is just bordering on too spiced for his palette.

According to witnesses, the employee politely explained to Newton how right now nothing in the world is really functioning as it’s meant to be and that his missing luncheon meat is just one symptom of a global pandemic that has killed 5.6 million people.

“Ah, no worries, it’s not your fault, I understand,” stated Newton to the young employee.

“Just as I’m sure you’ll understand that someone has to get yelled at.” 

“And because I don’t see a manager you’ll have to do.”

Witness reports and CCTV footage show that Newton then began shouting at the employee and turned a shade of red at a speed that is normally only seen in octopuses. 

Although largely incoherent, it is believed Newton’s rant was largely based around how ‘none of the staff care’ even though they have nothing to do with the supply side of the business and most of them have shown Newton how to use a QR code to check in to the supermarket every time he shops.

Newton then went on to make several remarks about how “this country has gone to the dogs” before paying by cheque and fucking off.


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