Despite being unable to move more than 500 troops a few hundred kilometres, Scott Morrison has continued carrying on like nobody else but he can save us from the wrath of China.

Fronting the webcam while chucking a sickie, the Prime Minister has warned that we must stay strong in the face of the ‘arc of autocracy.’

Using a National Security Address as an opportunity to grandstand and politicise our safety, Morrison explained that we must continue to stand up to countries like China and Russia.

Following on from insinuating that the Chinese Communist Party is trying to install a Labor Government in Australia, Morrison then revealed that he will potentially be building a submarine base somewhere like Port Kembla – much to the excitement of the people who will be some of the first blown up if anything kicks off.

The continued push for a ‘khaki election’ comes despite the fact Morrison and his government can’t get more than a few hundred soldiers into regions devastated by floods.

This comes as just 537 Australian Defence Force members arrived in the Northern Rivers of NSW by Monday night, nearly a full week after it was apparent how devastating these floods were going to be.

The ADF boss has since apologised and says he is sorry to all those people who feel let down.

Another 600 members are supposed to arrive by Tuesday night, with 1500 already in South East Queensland.

However, as areas like Lismore, Coraki and Broadwater can attest too, it’s been a far cry from what was expected of a highly paid and highly resourced military force that taxpayers spend a fair chunk of money on.

But, despite the inability to take on a natural disaster, the Prime Minister says he’s going to continue to pretend like only he could protect us from a nation of 1.4 billion people and their 2 million-strong People’s Liberation Army.

“A vote for me, is a vote for your safety,” said the Prime Minister.

“The boys will be able to get some great marketing shots too if things really kick-off,” he laughed.

More to come.


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