ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A boutique French Quarter law firm has spared no expense today as they celebrate the women in their workforce with special International Women’s Day biscuits and an idle threat not to talk to other female employees about their salary.

The lady lawyers and office administrators down at Claydork Propellerhead & Male-Sons are feeling the love, they say, until they enter their early 30s when their bosses fear every office doorknock is a quiet pregnancy announcement.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, one of the firm’s partners said they appreciate their female employees and today is the assigned day to show it.

“Here at Claydork Propellerhead & Male-Sons, our lady lawyers offer a great insight into our clients and cases,” said Thomas Pouch-Head SC.

“They are truly great and the custom biscuits, that weren’t cheap by the way, are just a small token of how much this firm needs our female legal professionals,”

“However, they are not allowed to discuss their salaries at any time. The women are all paid exactly the same amount for what level they are at in their careers. The same as the men. The amounts are the same, for the work they do. Therefore, there is no point in discussing it. We have banned the practice of discussing each other’s salaries because it might hurt the feelings of other women who aren’t being paid as much, which doesn’t happen here,”

“It never happens because we pay all our female employees the same. The only thing worse than two female employees at the same level are being paid different amounts is an undeclared and unapproved pregnancy. Pregnancies derail casework and often put undue stress upon women during pregnancy. Pregnancies need to be approved by the board so we have time to white ant and gaslight the pregnant employee into resigning before going on maternity leave so the firm isn’t unfairly hamstrung financially,”

“It’s pretty stock standard really. Happy IWD!”

More to come.


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