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Cricket Australia welcomed back XXXX GOLD as it’s official beer partner at the start of the season, taking over from the incumbent Victoria Bitter.

The Men and Women From Milton rejoiced at the news – finally, the nation’s most popular midstrength beer was back supporting Australia’s most popular sporting team.

“Everything was going along fine,” said one senior executive from Castlemaine Perkins.

“Until yesterday.”

The ball-tampering scandal has not only hit the sport hard, it’s also hurt a number of commercial partners that aligned themselves with the team.

“When we heard David Warner was having a few drinks in the hotel bar with his non-cricket friends, we thought he deserved to blow off a bit of steam. There’s been a lot of pressure on him and if there’s anyone who needs a cold, refreshing XXXX Gold, it’s David Warner,”

“But we were so hurt, so disappointed when the news filtered down that he was drinking champagne. Not even sparkling white – but the actually French stuff. As the official beer partner of the Australian cricket team, we’d like to express our horror at the news.”

The executive went onto explain that sometimes people need a heavier drink, which is why they still make XXXX Bitter.

“Perhaps he would’ve enjoyed a bitter? We’re in talks with Cricket Australia to make sure the team has access to heavy beer as well. High-carb and his ABV. Sometimes you just need it.”

The Advocate reached out to Cricket Australia for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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