Before beginning his private celebration of BBQ and beverages (swordfish steak and vintage Penfolds) Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull took a chance to address to the mounting controversy of Australia Day stating it is a non-issue.

“It’s a day to recognise our history and celebrate together, just as the settlers and Indigenous Australians did when they first met on this most amazing day.”

With many citizens unconvinced by this response, Turnbull took things a step further and urged anyone with problems regarding the date of Australia Day to take it up with opposition leader Bill Shorten.

“Look, Australia Day is for all Australians no matter how our stories began. But if you disagree you should know its entirely Labor’s fault.”

Citing Australia becoming a nationwide day of celebration and eventually a public holiday during the Hawke and Keating years, Turnbull stated those against the date need to consider that Australia Day is the fault of politicians they were too young to have voted for.

“They sowed this seed back under Whitlam. It’s their fault”

Amidst some activists calling his comments discriminative, Turnbull was quick to remind them he can’t be as he has a granddaughter with Chinese heritage, something Bill Shorten certainly doesn’t have.

“Journalists” from left-wing youth publications were quick to remind Turnbull that while some fault does lie with left-leaning politicians from 25 years ago, he himself does have the power to change the date.

“If it’s such a hot topic, I don’t know, maybe we can have another plebiscite or something. The last one was such a success after all.”


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