ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As per local government law, a glassing at a popular Betoota Grove gastropub has resulted in the venue being forced to serve drinks in plastic glassware for the foreseeable future.

The Docking Sailors, which ambiguously states it was founded in 1899 despite being a tasteless renovation of the former venue, played host to a vicious and cowardly attack earlier this year that saw a man receive close to 90 internal and external stitches.

As the case is before the courts and the names suppressed, The Advocate can only state that an interim ban has been placed on all glassware in the venue while officials investigate what happened.

Which means the upper crust of the town’s population now has to enjoy a cool, refreshing $9 schooner of Diamantina Pale Ale out of a scuffed plastic glass.

Over lunch, local hedge fund manager and gun owner Bruce Hall said his experience at the venue was marred by the offensive and tacky glassware.

“You go in there and order the $39 sirloin, they hand you back a buzzer and a flat beer in a plastic schooner glass,” he said.

“And ASIC think we’re the criminals. Honestly, if one fired-up piss head with anger problems can fuck a good pub like the Docking, then we’ve devolved as a fucking species,”

“But yeah, back to what you were saying. When you walk into a pub and they’ve got plastic glassware, it’s a pretty good indication some shit has gone down here and some poor cunt has been glassed. People who glass people should be hanged from the streetlamps and their organs given to the needy.”

Bruce stopped to catch his breath after that explosive rant, which gave enough time for our reporter to slip out the discreet VIP room exit.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here