Double Bay-based Stockbroker Joseph Gilling is very glad that his initial interpretation of the #BanTheBag petition wasn’t correct.

The 32-year-old Martin Place cowboy has since called off his local drug dealer, who was due to drop close to a kilogram of pure Sydney-recut cocaine, in a mad dash to stock up on his favourite recreational drug before it got ‘banned’ for good.

“[laughter] Man… Don’t I look like an idiot” he said.

“Here I was thinking that I wouldn’t be able to numb my face three times a week”

“Turns out this petition is about stopping pollution or some shit”

Last week, Channel 10 presenter, Waleed Aly challenged three Australian premiers to step up and ban a product millions of Australians use everyday day: the plastic bag.

During his “Something We Should Talk About” editorial on Wednesday night’s edition of The Project, Aly took aim at Australia’s astronomical use of plastic bags and called on the premiers of New South Wales, Victoria and Western Australia to “ban the bag” in an online petition.

Joseph says he thought there was something a bit off about the numbers.

“That Waleed bloke said Australians use between four and six billion bags annually… More than 10 million plastic bags, every day”

“I mean, I know we go pretty hard, but that’s a fair bit of fucking rack”

Joseph says it’s even more embarrassing that he had completely forgotten his weekly habit of 10 or so ‘Bondi bags’ was actually illegal.

“[laughter] you completely forget these things”

“I was wondering how that would be able to ban it, then I realised they already had”

He also offered governments advice on how to cut down on the use of plastic grocery bags.

“Just make it so anyone who wants to get their hands on some has to spent 20 minutes sitting in an idling WRX with $300 cash clenched in their fist”

“It hasn’t stopped me, but it definitely makes you think”




Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here