ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local electric vehicle owner has spoken of how much of a shame it is that petrol prices are probably going to $3 before Christmas – before chuckling to himself and smelling the ghost of last night’s vegetarian lasagna as it burst through his arsehole and into his Tesla Model X’s vegan leather seats.

Because of turmoil in the Middle East and a myriad of other policy failures both here and overseas, the price of oil has jumped and motorists around the country are going to be paying more at the pump for their go juice.

But for motorists like Kyle Jenkins, a software engineer from the French Quarter, buying petrol is a thing of the past now.

“I feel bad for them, really I do,” he said as he spoke to our reporter outside the Chen Brother Bakery.

“But yeah, people need to make the transition to electric cars, man. Like, I was thinking about maybe getting my last petrol car but they government incentives and everything, man, it just made getting an electric car too hard to walk past,”

“I mean, each time I drive past a petrol station and see the price north of $2, I just giggle to myself and let out a bit fart and then enjoy the smell. When it gets up to $3 before Christmas, which it will by the way, I’ll pull over and put the gullwing doors up. Sit in between the seats and try to suck my own cock. I’d even do that in the middle of a packed service station along the Bruce Highway,”

“My heart goes out to Pajero owners. Those are thirsty little pigs.”

More to come.


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