ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A universally disliked and unscrupulous local builder won the gourmet meat tray this afternoon at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club, whereupon being called to collect his prize, he told the bar staff to hold onto it until he was ready to go.

However, Michael Portland left 30 minutes ago – without the meat try.

His wife rang the club and asked if he was there, to which popular bartender Max Granholm replied with a quiet but resounding, ‘Yes.’

A short time later, he was helped from the premises by two friends into his wife’s late model RAV4 waiting in the turning circle at the club’s entrance.

“Look, there’s every reason he won’t remember winning the meat tray,” said Max, standing in the cool room holding the tray in his hands.

“But some prick is bound to remind him when he comes in tomorrow. I really should take it but I’d get whipped if I got caught. Risk versus reward, aye?”

Max revealed that it wouldn’t be the first time he’s pinched a meat tray from some ‘tired old piss wreak’ that he feels doesn’t deserve to win it in the first place.

The 24-year-old defended his actions by saying that the simple act of stealing a meat tray from a hopeless drunk feeds his entire share house for days.

“We’ve still got half a bottle of gas left to burn through the FootyMaster,” he said.

“You know what? Fuck him. This meat tray is going straight in the gym bag after close.”

More to come.


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