TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact

Betoota Valley carpenter Jackson Alexander (28) has today got back the results to a blood test insisted upon by his doctor – and things don’t look good. For the majority of homo sapiens, 60% their body is made up of water, however, in Jackson’s case, his bloodwork revealed he is in fact 80% iced coffee milk.

“Yeah, shit.” Jackson said in response to the results.

“I guess it’s not that surprising if I think about it. It’s been 72 hours since I had my last sip of water.”

“Iced coffee goes better with a sausage roll, but.”

Dr. Charles, Jackson’s doctor, advised him to get a blood test after a routine checkup showed some abnormalities in his breathing, he explains.

“His breathing was like that of a 60-year-old emphysema sufferer, only he showed no other symptoms of the condition.”

“I’m somewhat relieved to know his lungs are just full of iced coffee rather than having a chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.” Said Dr. Charles, trying to find a positive in a still very alarming situation.

“I know it may not be cool, per se, to drink water on a work site, but Jackson must start drinking water or he will die.”

Despite hearing this advice from his Doctor, Jackson was spotted walking out of the west Betoota BP with an iced coffee and what is suspected to be an egg sandwich.

More to come.


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