ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Fuck!” she said sharply.


Lucy Taylor’s handbag fell off the table and predictably lands upside down – in the middle of a French Quarter cafe.

Her most private possessions, some she didn’t even know she had, are now on public display for all to see.

Everyday items like her comb, hairpins, cigarettes, makeup and an unregistered Glock 23 lay on the floor for a few seconds before the 24-year-old swept them back up.

“Why do they always land upside fucking down?” she asked her friend.

The friend smiled and shrugged.

“Why don’t you do the zipper up?”

Lucy rolled her eyes and checked the safety was still on with her idle left hand.

Questions like this are set to be answered by a new landmark study conducted by Australia’s peak scientific body, which kicks off today in the south.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this morning, Gavin Spoon from the CSIRO said he and his colleagues look forward to finding answers for young, anxious people like Lucy.

“Only nerds zip up their handbag,” said Gavin.

“And as nerds only make up a tiny fraction of the population, that leaves many young Australians exposed to the dangers of dropped handbags.”

When asked if that includes men who use cute handbags and clutches day-to-day, Gavin looked confused.

“Girls have handbags, men have briefcases. If you’re walking around all day with your briefcase open, you need to get your head read. We’re living under an LNP government, there will no chit-chat of that nature. If you’re a bloke living in far western Queensland that keeps his man things in a hard-wearing Longchamp handbag, then you’re a bigger man than me!”

The study is expected to cost about $60 and take roughly a week.

More to come.


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