A question as old as time itself failed to be answered yet again in South Betoota today as local family, The Turners, cannot seem to figure out who clogged the toilet.

Despite mum reminding everyone that no one will be in trouble for it, a culprit is yet to come forward. Eldest daughter Beth Turner (13) states she is sceptical about her mother’s claims.

“If no one is in trouble, why does it matter who did it? Not that it was me. I saw it and that was a grown man’s shit for sure. If it was even human.”

Eldest child Jake Turner (17) admits while he did use the toilet on the day of the clogging, it was reportedly working fine when he did.

“Yeah I’d be lying if I said I didn’t drop a grog bog in there first thing Sunday morning but honestly it flushed fine. That was me done for the day. I watched a bit of Netflix after so whoever did the poo must have done it between 10am and 8pm if that helps.”

Mother of four Catherine Turner (42) says it’s important to figure out how it happened so they can determine how best to approach the situation. Ask for her opinion as to what happened and you might find it raises more questions than it answers.

“It looks as if someone went and didn’t flush and then someone took another dump on top of that, went to flush and the toilet just couldn’t handle it. I’ve been a mum for 17 years I thought I’d seen everything but fuck me, I can’t believe I live with someone who could do that.”

Man of the house John Turner (48) was able to back up his wife’s claims with new and disturbing information.

“Look, the dog shit indoors again and I’m the only one who ever bloody does anything about it so I picked it up with some toilet paper and chucked it in the dunny. By the time it hit the water I realised there was something was wrong.”

“It was floating right near the rim in this big pool of shitty water. The whole thing was clogged and I couldn’t fish it out because I didn’t know which shit was dog shit and which was human turds so I tried to flush it again but…but…”

While John’s story provides insight into the time the clog must have taken place it still doesn’t answer who the original clogger or cloggers were, leaving the Turners back at square one.

For now, Mr Turner is happy to dip into the savings account to hire a local plumber or failing that, a priest.

Speaking exclusively with The Advocate father of four John Turner left us with this final statement.

“The visiting sisters-in-law didn’t help. This turned into Murder She Wrote”


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