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Local primary teacher, Amelia Thorne says she is very surprised that her fiancè, Nicholas Stuart, decided to celebrate their upcoming marriage with such a low-key event.
“It blew me away. They must be getting a bit old” laughed Amelia, after spending fifteen minutes perusing the twelve photos that Nick’s brother was able to capture over the weekend.
“A bit of golf, and then they went out on the boat for a bit and ended up finishing the day at a Chinese restaurant for dinner,”
“His brother is usually the wildest guy at any party, and his photos were pretty tame in my opinion,”
However, Nick’s version of events differs slightly to what is presented in the photo album his brother emailed to Amelia from the airport on his way home.
“Yeah, from all accounts, the day was not that tame at all. I don’t remember much but I do know that there was a bit goin’ on,”
When asked about how his brother, Brendo, was successfully able to present the 29-hour bender as some sort of polite outing, Mr Stuart says it’s because he’s a “f**king pro at this shit”.
“Mate, I’m pretty sure that ‘Chinese Restaurant’ was actually a brothel of some sort,”
“I was unable to walk at this point but the boys propped me up for a photo with the Chinese bird that ran the place,”
“I don’t know how, but the photo Brendo took made it look like we were in a restaurant. Maybe it was the plate she was holding… But I can tell you there wasn’t any food on that bad boy,”
“I have no fucking clue what we were doing there,”
When asked if he feels at all guilty about misleading his future-wife into thinking he spent the weekend drinking midstrength beer and playing sport, Nick says absolutely not.
“At least we had photos to show her, I know Brendo probably deleted about a hundred but it’s all about how you pull up. I was pretty much in bed by 10:30pm so I got a good sleep before breakfast with all her friends the next day,”
“It’s more of a case of her believing what she wants to believe. I mean, sure, I probably shouldn’t have been in a VIP strip club with my mates for eight hours, but I made a point of getting so fucked up that the birds working there wouldn’t go near me,”
“We had twelve blokes locked in for two days with no girlfriends or wives, do you honestly think we behaved ourselves?”
“Because she does [piggish laughter]”