CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A local high-ranking finance executive from a big four bank has today arrived at his top floor office in Inner-Betoota with a new facial piercing that compliments his corporate brand of left-wing virtue-signalling.
Roy Alchemission (62) says it was time to mix up his look, after wearing the same style of Armani suit for forty years – with the same exact short back and sides haircut.
“[the septum piercing] is a very popular accessory that I came across during our countless community focus groups” says Roy.
“I guess it is quite representative of me and my organisation’s progressive new stance against destroying the planet”
Much like his fashion sense, Roy’s long-standing views on environmentalism and the man-made climate emergency have also changed dramatically.
“Haha. No I’m not a full blown leftie” says Roy.
“I haven’t even finished watching all of GIRLS… and I’m already feeling quite uncomfortable with Lena Dunham’s screenwriting”
“But yeah, I’m not big on being responsible for the extinction of the black-throated-finch”
As Roy has pointed out in his three-week old blue-tick Twitter account, his bank will not be fronting the $2 billion required for the Carmichael coal mine project in Central Queensland.
This means the project’s investment will ultimately come, in large measure, from chairman Gautam Adani’s own pocket – slimming his profit margins by a pivotal percentage.
“I dunno hey” says Roy, while stroking his new nose ring.
“I don’t even think I’m keen to fund the $1 billion dollar railway line that ScoMo has promised them”
“I’m more interesting in investing in the technology behind all of the robots that Adani will be using instead of Australian coal miners. Now that’s what I call progressive”
