ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local executive currently looking for a new car was left scratching his noodle and giggling last night after stumbling upon the e-catalogue for the new Holden Commodore.
“What is this shit?” he laughed.
The little tummy chuckled grew in intensity to a diaphragm-clenching wheeze.
“Oh my God,” coughed Mark Daley.
“What is that thing? It looks like a sad platypus! Oh my Lord! Just look at the fucking thing! Oh, Jesus, I’m fucking dying! Oh, Christ. Wooooooo. What in blue fuck is that thing?”
Mark sighed and chuckled two more times.
“Whatever that fucking thing is, it’s not a Holden.”
The laughter didn’t end there for the 41-year-old father.
After deciding the only sensible family car option for a well-paid bourgeois pig such as himself was a kitted-out Toyota Kluger, Mark decided to do a little bit more research into Holden.
Clicking a few links on the first page of search results, Mark took a sip of tea, read the first few lines of a news article and spat the tea out all over the rug.
“What the? They got a $265 million bailout package from the federal government – then the asked for another $275 million taxpayer-funded
“Fuck me, those blokes belong is prison!” he laughed.
“Holden owes every tax payer in the country a new fucking Barina! At least!”
With his curiosity piqued to record-high levels, Mark dug a bit deeper as to see how a quarter of a billion dollars of taxpayer money couldn’t save our car manufacturing industry – or prolong it’s death for another decade like Holden promised.
Again, he laughed in disgust.
“Oh my,” he giggled.
“Most of it went back to Detroit as an inter-company loan! $150m! General Motors literally embezzled millions from hard-working Australia families and they turn around and ask those same families to buy their Rüsselsheim
“Good God, no wonder we pay so much fucking tax in this country. Who was the moron on who gave this the green light?!”
Mark’s wife then came down stairs in a rush, thinking he was having a heart attack.
More to come.
