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A dehydrated, PTSD-riddled, near-suicidal Syrian woman who has spent the last four years behind bars on the Australian government’s Nauru Regional Processing Centre, says she’s pretty certain she would make a great domestic servant for Australian Liberal Party donors.

Amira (24) says after raising her own war-weary family while inside the Australian Immigration Detention Centre, despite having lost their father to terrorists in their home country, she is fairly confident in her abilities to put an iPad in the hands of a couple of Australian kids named Chloe and Hugo and folding collared shirts.

“Like most people currently detained by Australia’s Border Force, Amira says she know there is only one man that can save her and her children from the continued mental deterioration and self-harm that comes with indefinite detention at the hands of roided up Australian security contractors in a tropical Pacific Island prison.

“Please Mr McLachlan. Please tell Mr Dutton that I am capable of helping raise the families of people too rich to do it themselves”

“I’ve even tought myself how to read and write in English, my kids as well”

“My skin would go very fair in a South Australian climate. I could almost look like a cute French girl”

This comes after the home affairs minister, Peter Dutton, saved an au pair from deportation, intervening after the AFL’s chief executive officer, Gillon McLachlan, raised the young woman’s case.

It has since been revealed that a French woman named Alexandra Deuwel was detained at Adelaide’s international airport late on 31 October 2015. Her tourist visa was cancelled at the border because there were suspicions she intended to work and she had previously been counselled over visa conditions during an earlier stay in Australia.

Deuwel had previously worked for McLachlan’s relatives Callum and Skye MacLachlan in South Australia and was returning to visit them.

However, due to the religion that Amira was born into, it looks as though she probably won’t get the same treatment as Alexandria, even though she has been found to be a legitimate refugee escaping the same regime that Australia is currently at war with.

At time of press, Amira was seen asking if people could start calling her Aurélia.

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