5 October, 2015. 14:50

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact

Once a rugby league heartland, the gentrified inner-west of Sydney city is currently playing host to scores of Queenslanders who aren’t too different to the district’s original inhabitants.

In town for last night’s epic all-Queensland NRL Grand Final, between the North Queensland Cowboys and The Brisbane Broncos, the uncouth northern visitors don’t seem to be going anywhere.

36-year-old Newtown bar manager, Banjo Clementè says that when the Queenslanders first arrived they were a refreshing change to his usual clientele.

“I thought, Hey! the beautiful people are here. They were all so tan… I didn’t even know there was a football match on,”

PHOTO: Miracle try ... Kyle Feldt scores in the corner in the dying seconds of regulation time. (Getty Images: Cameron Spencer)
PHOTO: Miracle try … Kyle Feldt scores in the corner in the dying seconds of regulation time. (Getty Images: Cameron Spencer)

However, as the co-owner and operations manager of the Rabid Bitch Tea Room points out, the initial batch of arrivals weren’t even a taste of what was to come.

“The first wave was fine, the next batch to come and join them were a bit rowdier. They were from further North,”

“Each wave was dictated by the distance they had to travel. By the time the Townsville and Cairns crowds were rolling in, it was evident that my trendy Newtown venue was now hosting Australia’s cultural cringe,”

“They weren’t beautiful by the end of it. The patrons from far north Queensland had far fewer teeth and much more offensive vocabularies. They were taking up the bar with their giant Akubras… Anyone who tried to make space would have to fight them”

Included in this batch of Northerners, was the Betoota Advocate’s very own reporters, who can attest to Mr Clementè’s claims of having to replace his glassware with non-shatter plastic alternatives and hiring temporary bikie-affiliated RSA marshalls to curb Bundaberg Rum related violence in his “alternative” night spot.

Newton's "The Rabid Bitch" Tea Room at approximately 9:30 this morning
Newton’s “The Rabid Bitch” Tea Room at approximately 9:30 this morning

While Mr Clementè says catering to the Queenslanders has been testing, he would really appreciate some sort of clarification regarding their estimated departure time.

“They don’t seem to be going anywhere. They have sat in my bar since Thursday drinking rum, swearing, fighting and fucking,”

“No one is telling me anything. It’s like 1770 all over again… They could be here forever,”

“I had a brief break from them last night, when they all went in to watch the match. But sure enough they came straight back… I don’t think the realise that no one actually watches rugby league in the inner-west anymore,”

The North Queensland Cowboys won their first NRL title last night after Johnathan Thurston kicked a golden-point field goal to beat the Brisbane Broncos 17-16 in a thrilling grand final at the Sydney Olympic stadium.

NSW Head Of Police says since “The Queenslanders rolled in” their has been a very alarming rise in drink-driving, vandalism and petty theft.



  1. Good Try. Brisbane Bitter was flushed away by Carlton at about the same time XXXX bought Tooheys. That happened at a time when Newtown still had Jets, moustaches and flew north to get wrecked on Great Keppel Island for holidays, frangipanis for sheilas’ optional. Lest we forget Winfield, the Escort Club and, when only the best will do, Benson and Hedges. Nowadays it’s imported beers, photoshop and facebook, lest we forget the crippling rents and dare it be said a dangerous degree of pretence. Still, if this story is even half true you inner city hipsters have been blessed, eh.


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