4 October, 2015. 11:30

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

[dropcap]A[/dropcap]FTER THE WALLABIES historic win in the nation’s third most watched sporting event of the weekend, a heavily intoxicated man searched his phone for an English person for close to 20 minutes. Despite being awake for nearly three days, Sydneysider Michael Watson said he’s already sent close to a dozen text messages to his English friends regarding the rugby this morning.

“My boss at work is English so I shot the cunt a cheeky text,” laughed Watson. “He gave us a good ribbing after we lost The Ashes but now it’s our turn to give it back.”

Watson said he plans to party on through to the NRL grand final, where he plans to get behind the Far North Queensland Cowboys as they chase their first premiership against a tough Brisbane outfit.

“If the Cowboys get up against the Broncs, I’m getting another bag,” said Watson as he asked his group chat for a good dealer’s number. “Mum wants me to go to lunch at my aunt’s place today but fuck that. Go Wobs!”

Another roll-on effect of Australia’s win at Twickenham overnight is the number of English people set to arrive for summer is down on last year, according to government studies. Lifeguards around the nation have breathed a collective sigh of relief as British tourists account for almost all near-drownings at Sydney beaches.


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