LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local legend of days past Micky ‘Big Yarns’ Yarnwood (51) has let his nieces and nephews know that he is not too impressed by Hottest 100 winner The Wiggles and has taken the songs number one spot in the countdown like a harpoon in his ageing heart.
According to Yarnwood, he began listening to ‘The Js’ back in 1978, when he was just seven years old, the station was called double j and it was on something known as AM radio.
“What happened to this station? It used to mean so much, I remember the bloody day it became triple j,” stated Yarnwood for the third or fourth time today.
“Fark me, Maynard F# Crabbes is the whole reason I got into DJing!”
Although once a lover of contemporary music, Yarnwood is a strong believer that music peaked in the 1990s and that today’s winning song is just another supporting piece of evidence to that fact.
“Nirvana, Soundgarden, Korn, Tool, Tori fucking Amos, Nick Cave, PJ Harvey, TISM, COG, The Gurge, The Rhomb, The Bait, The Grinners, The Chair, youse have no idea how good it used to be!”
“Even the festivals were unbelievable back then! All the time we’d bump into Adam and Myf and have a laugh. Fark you felt important for listening to them back then, like you had discovered some secret society. You’d bump into another carload of dudes on a roadtrip up the coast who also liked the js and you’d stop for a chat and maybe go out for a drink once you got to Byron or whatever.”
“Fark, when I first voted in the Hottest 100 it was on pen & paper and you had to mail it in, does your generation even know how to do that, cause you sure as shit don’t know how to vote for real fucken music.”
When his niece Sarah Yarnwood suggested that he could form a better opinion of modern music by stopping his nostalgic rant to actually give the top song a listen, Big Yarns exploded with rant about how ‘autotune does his head in’ and how ‘a like a Version winning is just said.’
His niece then suggested that maybe triple j hasn’t gotten shit but rather changed naturally with the times, something that Big Yarns has evidently failed to do.
“Nah no way! I still skate! I still DJ! I’m as young as ever, I just rescued a Dalmation for fuck’s sake, is that something an old person would do?”
“And don’t get me started on the hosts these days! Pizza cutters, the lot of them, no edge, no point [sic].”
He then went on to make several claims that he would “king hit Ben & Liam” despite the fact the former breakfast duo have not been on the station in two years.
