Rugby coach Eddie Jones’ controversial return to the Wallabies is officially over – as Rugby Australia confirms his resignation.

It is believed Jones is still very employable at an international level, even after leading the Wallabies to Australia’s first Rugby World Cup group stage exit.

Despite having previously had this job nearly two decades ago, this ten month stint as Wallabies coach is being described as ‘The Jones Experiment’

Jones has found the infrastructure of Rugby Australia is simply not up to scratch to field a winning side, but in one last show of loyalty, he has done his best to redirect controversy away from the players who were able to win just two matches from nine games at the helm – both victories came against minnow sides of Portugal and Georgia.

With yet another ‘rebuild’ resulting in a backwards slide towards the bottom tiers nations, the Rugby Australia Boards says they will take their time in selecting a new coach. Something they seem to be doing every 18 months.

With the Wallabies going through more coaches than captains over the last two decades, Australia’s long-suffering rugby fans have poised the question – is it the coaching staff and players at fault here? Or should the entire board be replaced.

In a rare showing of critical thinking, the fee-paying clubbies off Australia have today called for a revolution. And will be voting to dissolve the Rugby Australia Board, in turn freeing the game from the control of one high-net North Shore Sydney suburb.

Their replacement, a 55-year-old club Hunter Valley club rugby stalwart known only as ‘Trish’ – or ‘Aunty Trish to the Islander players.

“I was surprised to be given the job to honest” says Trish.

“But yeah, when they said the current board couldn’t run a chook raffle… I thought maybe I’m up to it.

“That’s one thing I can do is run a damn chook raffle”

Trish says her first order of business as the ultimate decision-maker in Australian Rugby will be to send scouts to the low socio-economic heartlands of Western Sydney and Logan.

“I don’t give a stuff where these kids went to school. I want size and speed. Last names and old boys ties don’t mean shit in the Hunter”

Her second order of business will be to maybe stop spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of Wallabies Greats tours.

“We aren’t going to find the next generation of Wallabies in the Scone Hotel, so I’m not paying to send the 1999 World Cup side to sit at the front bar and drink grange with local horse breeders. That’s for sure”

“And from now on, the boys are flying economy. Same with the administrators. Sitting next the toilets in Row 27 is still a better grassroots program than relying on the highlight reels of four GPS schools”


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