18 September, 2015. 16:10

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

[dropcap]N[/dropcap]ot even an entire day after Australian musical icon Nick Cave wrote andopen letter to Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull asking him to sack Senator George Brandis as Minister for the Arts, and restore independent funding and oversight to the literary sector, The Betoota Advocate has been informed that our humble online newspaper is next on the chopping block.

As of two and half hours ago, The Betoota Advocate received communication via the email from the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, that our historical newspaper’s small yet consistent stream of funding would be cease.

The email, which appears to have gone through several hands, including, but not limited to, Nick Cave himself, has revealed a conspiracy against the Betoota Advocate by an alliance of vulnerable politicians and jaded creatives.

It would seem the “letter” that Nick Cave wrote to Malcolm Turnbull has not been on behalf of everyone. The following transcripts reveals that the elderly hipster is guilty of promoting the well-known lament of Australian musicians and writers alike, that being: “All artists are equal, but some are more equal than others”.

Nick Cave to Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

Oi Mal, It's Cave. Can you sack Brandis? I mean give us a bloody break... Oi if he has to stay can you at least tell him to go easy on us writers... Except for the Betoota Advocate. Fuck those ****'s! They are doing to journalism what I did to Kylie Minogue... It's confusing AF!

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull to Nick Cave

RE: Nick, I've forwarded on your msg to Brando. We'll see how it goes.. Just remember mate I can't do this all the time. I've got hundreds of blokes just like you hitting me up for favours since I got the job. Cheers

Senator Brandis To Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

RE: Mal, tell Nick Cave I can't make any promises... Other than the fact that those Betoota lads are going to be eating cornflakes for dinner this Christmas. HAHAHa.. Did you even know we were funding that shit? They have been smashing us for months. Peace bro.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull to Nick Cave

FW: Happy?

Nick Cave to Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

RE: Yeah all good. Cheers bra

Senator Brandis to Errol Parker, Betoota Advocates’ Editor:

You are being slashed mate. Suck a dick.

The Betoota Advocate has for many years been the recipient of Government funding to help us provide opportunities for aspiring regional writers and Indigenous cattlemen.

For several decades, our newspaper’s lifeblood appears to have gone unnoticed by the last five extravagant governments, that is, until now.

As The Betoota Advocate now scrambles to make ends meet, our editors have resorted to approaching local businesses for advertisement opportunities.

This week’s weekly wireless news-wrap is brought to you by E.H Pearson Cattle Company, Betoota and Rodney Glen’s Taxidermy

If you, or your company, would like to shameless self-promote themselves through The Betoota Advocate, please contact us at [email protected]


  1. Screw that soft-cock Cave, I heard he couldn’t even close the deal with Kylie cause she refused to dress up like a wizard. Brandis and Turnbull can eat a dick too. Don’t worry guy’s, you can promote my new album of Slim Dusty covers, I’ll make sure you get all the funding you need.

  2. Nick Cave is a talent I love,but it’s all image, as my mother would say fur coat and no nickers. Meaning of little substance. He was horrid when my daughter worked in a juice bar in Brighton he refused service from her as she had eczema what an up himself tosser. She was upset as a young kiwi girl on OE she was excited to serve him. Keep his nose out of Aussie affairs, as nothing Aussie in him ‘she’ll be right’ Attitude. I love the Betootaadvocate full of all sorts

  3. If Nick Cave had been born of the current generation he’d just be another one of those kids dressing up like a vampire, sitting in the dark watching twilight films, pretending he’d read all the books. Can he even read? I doubt it.


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