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With the trauma of the Melbourne lockdown in the rear view, one politically vocal Naarm settler has today unveiled a new point of difference on the Twitter bio.
This comes after realising that her ability to recount two different Aboriginal place names has not been enough for people to believe her pledge of solidarity with the many minority groups she reads about on Twitter.
As the heiress to an Australia-Pacific-sized manufacturing fortune, Idda Paisley (29) has spent the last decade as a freelance sculptor who primarily focuses on the 3D-printer medium for countless local council commissions that seem to pop up every time her dad gets invited into the Flemington Birdcage for Melbourne Cup.
However, this charmed life as a practicing artist who lives rent-free in a Smith Street investment property is not enough for Idda, who longs to achieve a Lena-Dunham level of progressive neoliberal martyrdom.
After flying a bit too close to the sun with the LGBTQIA+ community as an over-the-top ally, and unsuccessfully scouring her family tree for something a bit spicier than ‘French’ – it’s now time to insert herself in the important conversations surrounding the National Disability Insurance Scheme.
Unsatisfied with simply being a nice person to everyone she meets, the shallow pursuit of a politicised identity continues.
Idda has made the potentially irreversible decision to try out autism this summer, after discovering that ‘neurodivergent’ is a label that is impossible to define, and one that seems to be quite in vogue for rich white girls like herself – after the success of the ABC’s ‘Love On The Spectrum’.
Finally, with this self-diagnosis of a neurodevelopmental disorder that causes immeasurable difficulties for hundreds of thousands of families with much less resources at their disposal, Idda can see that invitation to a speaking panel at the Melbourne Writers Festival on the horizon.
At time of press, the newly crowned DISABILITY ADVOCATE was demanding her parents recognise that – despite her quarter-of-a-million-dollar education at some of the city’s most prestigious learning institutions – she was not afforded the sufficient support and medical access required to identify this vaguely-defined condition she has just become an authority on.
The Betoota Advocate understands that Idda hung up the phone on her parents after it was revealed that she is expected to spend Christmas with her ‘annoying’ non-verbal cousin this year.
