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Scott Morrison has told the Daily Telegraph that he “won’t be dragged off to the right or left” of politics, as he declares environmental conservation and national security as his two biggest policies leading into the imminent federal election.
These new moderate platforms come as the Prime Minister rebrands with the trendy square-frame glasses made popular by Malcolm Turnbull – the former leader of the party that was shafted six months ago by the far-right faction who convinced everyone that they would not win another election with him as leader.
When asked if he was trying to look and act exactly like the former leader, Morrison said no, and it was just a coincidence.
“We are in the age of innovation” said Morrison.
“These square frame glasses are clear cut example of continuity and change”
“Anyway, did I mention how important legalising gay marriage was to me?”
“Also, yes, ummm banking royal commission. Very Important”
Morrison recounted a recent family visit to the Shoalhaven Heads hotel on the New South Wales south coast, an experience he said reminded him that Australians “think Australia is a pretty great place” and are “a lot more interested in everyday life” than noisy political debates.
“Did you know that the average bloke at the surf club has never been to Melbourne? Like they literally don’t care about whether African gangs exist or not”
When asked what he thought of cotton farmers, Scott Morrison said umm yeah, let me check out Twitter and get back to you.
