ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local bank employee said he’s the sole member of the “💦 Tummy Sticks 2021 💦” group chat who works in a banking – which makes him the go-to when things such as the GameStop saga take place.
Shooting from the hip, Wal Tenberine, an assistant manager of the Dockhouse Road Diamantina Credit Union branch, explained how he was tasked this morning with trying to articulate to his ‘deadshit’ high school mates the story of GameStop.
“I work in retail banking and small loans,” said Wal.
“Anything larger than a car loan, I’ve gotta go upstairs to the boss. Other than that, I give pensioners their cash and eat the complimentary Mentos. I don’t even have a degree. Unless you want work in medicine, law or some other STEM feild, going to university is a rip off. Mugs game,”
“Anyway, I don’t need to explain this GameStop shit to you but my mates were all up me asking how to buy GameStop shares this morning. Just google it, mate. Anyway, I pretty much said that these big hedge funds, which use other people’s money to invest in things, thought very poorly of GameStop and put a big short on them expecting the company to fold during this ‘so-called’ pandemic. Anyway, these nerds in America were like fuck you Wall Street and kept buying the shares and forced the price up, which fucked the position of the hedge funds. To short something, you pretty much borrow shares from a broker when they’re high and sell them when they go down and you get to keep the difference. Anyway, these hedge funds purchased these shares for a few bucks and now they’re worth fucking hundreds, which fucks everything for the cunts who shorted them at $3. Anyway, that’s about the skinny of it, I guess,”
“And who cares if I’m wrong, it’s not like these guys are going to know, is it?”
More to come.
