24 January, 2016 11:35


Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has today been praised by blokey dads around the nation, after he requested an investigation into a taxpayer-funded program aimed at helping lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and/or intersex (LGBTI) school students.

The Safe Schools education program is set to be reviewed following fierce criticism from some Coalition backbenchers, many of whom had a confusing time in school themselves.

This decision has been applauded by former high school rugby superstars with effeminate sons who are worried that, any form of encouragement, will result in their boys dancing front and centre on top of a giant foam float in the middle of Oxford street in a few years time.

According to its website, the Safe Schools Coalition offers resources and support to equip staff and students with “skills, practical ideas and greater confidence” to create a safe and inclusive environment for same-sex attracted, intersex and gender diverse students, staff and families.

Local Dad, Pete Lancruiser, says his son Timmy has it hard enough being the youngest brother to four pretty sisters.

“He’s been dressing him up like a girl since he was little, but now he’s twelve and its time for him to be focusing on his kicking and tackling,”

“The other day I found him putting on his mum’s make up and singing to Beyonce. The last thing this kid needs is someone telling him its okay to be like that!”

“I mean I know he’s a little soft, but I was like that too as a kid. They just put me on the wing and told me to run it straight next to the sideline”

Mr Lancruiser says he agrees with the Coalition MPs who have been agitating against the program, saying it raises sexual issues which are inappropriate for teenagers and young children.

“I don’t need anyone putting any ideas in his head,”

“He keeps using the word ‘fab’ and he insists on throwing out all my old clothes. He’s found his mother’s old ABBA records too. It’s like Priscilla Queen Of The Desert in this joint,”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here