FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
The youth of Australia are breathing a collective sigh of relief today after police forces across the country announced that mainies are considered essential travel.
The ‘mainie’, a complex manoeuvre involving driving from one end of the local Main Street to the other, possibly multiple times, has long been a favourite past-time of those who are suddenly old enough to drive a car, but are in the unfortunate position of not having anywhere to drive to, a situation that has been exacerbated by the COVID-19 shutdown.
The mainie simultaneously provides a destination and location for the art of driving to take place, whilst also acting as a status symbol for the driver who is keen to show he/she is rich enough to own a car and therefore get taxed by multiple government departments and shafted by 2 insurance providers at once.
However, police have warned those who might take advantage of the new rules by claiming their non-essential travel is a genuine mainie will be caught.
“I want to make this absolutely clear; mainies are only essential if you are under the age of 25” advised Police Commissioner Mick Fuller.
“Those over 25 have no business performing mainies and we will prosecute those who attempt to use this provision to undertake non-essential travel.”
“We will be inspecting any car we see performing a mainie and, aside from the age of the driver, will be checking things like; is there loud music blasting from an expensive sub and cheap speakers?”
“Are the occupants hanging out the windows shouting to members of the opposite sex? Does the vehicle have a Jetpilot or Etnies sticker on the rear windscreen? Is unnecessary revving of the engine taking place? Does the vehicle have mags on the front but stockies on the rear? If the vehicle does not meet at least one of these criteria then we would definitely want to speak to the driver to confirm a genuine mainie is taking place.”
TAFE Student Hamish Chase, 22, says the new rules would definitely improve both his weekend, and his street cred as he would finally have an opportunity to show off the new chrome-plated exhaust tips he recently installed on his ex-taxi BF Falcon.
“Yeah sweet as, ay”
