“Gross” Says Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An increasing majority of Australian’s say they’re just about ready to get the guillotine out today after horrible, disgusting allegations about a sex scandal between two sexagenarian senate members have begun to surface.

For anybody who cares, One Nation commandant Pauline Hanson and former One-Nation-cum-Palmer’s-Money-Laundering-Party senator Brian Burston have been slinging mud at each other today, with Burston claiming the Queenslander propositioned him for sex.

And if that wasn’t enough, Hanson has hit back at Burston by alleging he’s made a few passes at some of his staffers – saying he once offered to ‘fuck’ one of his staff to ‘improve her mood’.

To which the nation has collectively said ‘gross’.

The Advocate took to the streets of our desert pleasuredome to gauge the local reaction to the scandal, with most sighing and groaning when asked to give their opinion on it.

“I’d rather sit down on a chair, give Ricky Ponting a 4ft length of reo bar and tell him to pull the bar into my forehead as hard as he could, as if he’d just picked up on some short shit outside leg stump that needs dispatching,” said one man.

“Than listen to the details of what happened between those two publicly-subsidised drop toilets.”

Another local explained that she’d rather build a time machine and take her chances during the first day of The Battle of the Somme than have the image of a red-faced-and-puffing Brian Burston going hell-for-leather burnt into her brain.

“I’d simply rather wait for the whistle then casually walk into machine gun fire. Have a nice day.”

Our reporter, satisified that he had enough to pad out the gap on page six, clicked off the recorder and wondered which bad decision he’d made in life lead him to this very moment now.

More to come.